The 2013 Darwin Awards are out!

 The 2013 Darwin Awards are out!

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved  among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. (I repeat, "in Chicago")

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Remember....

They walk among us.they can reproduce.and, they VOTE!!!

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight..

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

{Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests}. 

CREATION

CREATION 

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WORDS

WORDS 

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and said, 'What?'

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

WIFE VS. HUSBAND 

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' 
 

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS 

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton)

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

WOMEN'S REVENGE

                        WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, 

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally...'

Seven steps to relieve stress

Seven steps to relieve stress In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it  Really does work and will make you smile: 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling In the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool Mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the World. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so clear you can make out the face of the Democrat you are holding underwater. See, it worked. You're smiling. You feel better already.  Have a great day.....

Top 6 Home Remedies for yellow Teeth:

       Top 6 Home Remedies for yellow Teeth:

1. Baking soda is one of the best ingredients that you can

 use to get rid of your yellow teeth. You can make a

 whitening mouthwash with baking soda by mixing two

 tablespoon of baking soda with one cup of cold water

.
2. Strawberries contain good amount of vitamin C, which

 help in making your teeth whiter. Take a few strawberries

 and grind them to make a paste. Now use this paste to rub

 your teeth gently. If done twice daily for a few weeks, the

 yellow tinge on your teeth will vanish.


3. The bleaching property present in lemon can also be used

 to get rid of yellow teeth. In fact, gargling with lemon juice

 and scrubbing teeth with lemon peel is also one of the best

 ways to make your teeth white.


4. Apple is a kind of crunchy fruit that can scrub your teeth

 like a toothbrush and make your teeth look whiter than

 before.


5. Salt is one of the fundamental dental cleansing agents

 used since ages as it helps to replenish the lost mineral

 content of the teeth and help them to regain their

 whiteness. You can use common salt regularly each morning

 as a tooth powder instead of toothpaste.


6. You can also clean your teeth with fresh orange peel on

 regular basis in order to reduce the yellow tinge

 accumulated on your teeth.

Canadian Humor

                         Canadian Humor

Уникална рецепта на Христо Мермерски за отслабване и лечение на рак

Тази лечебна храна ще ви помогне да поддържате здраво и жизнено тяло.

Професор Христо Мермерски е един от най-популярните природни лечители у нас. Има няколко издадени книги, които засягат теми като „здравословни храни“, „лечебни храни“, „народна медицина“, „здраве“.

Предлагаме ви да опитате една от рецептите на Мермерски, която е особено подходяща за лечение на ракови заболявания, имунни сривове, гуша, отслабване и т.н.

Необходими продукти:

15 големи, свежи лимона
12 глави свеж чесън
1 килограм чист мед
400 грама покълнали пшенични семена
400 грама пресни орехови ядки

Начин на приготвяне:

400 грама негрухана пшеница се слага в чист стъклен буркан. Залива се с вода и се оставя за около 12 часа. След като мине това време, бурканът се покрива с тензух, водата се изцежда и зърната се промиват. Само след 24 часа ще имате кълнове с големина 1-2 милиметра.

Чесънът, орехите и кълновете се смилат заедно. После се смилат и 5-те лимона с корите. Всички съставки се слагат в емайлирана тенджера. Сокът на останалите 10 лимона се изстисква и се добавя към хомогенната смес. Прибавя се медът, след което се разбърква. Сместа се слага в стъклени буркани и се съхранява в хладилник. Може да се консумира след 3 дни.

Професор Христо Мермерски обяснява, че с тази смес се лекува целият организъм. Тази храна е подходяща за лечение на сърдечно-съдови заболявания, за подобряване на имунната система, за прочистване на храносмилателната система. Доказано е, че подобрява дейността на мозъка, забавя развитието на атеросклерозата , предпазва от инфаркт и е перфектно лекарство срещу рак на гърдата и други видове рак. Съдържа много витамини, минерални соли, протеини, въглехидрати и всички необходими за тялото биоактивни вещества.

Рецептата е подходяща за всички хора, които имат желание да поддържат тялото си здраво и жизнено.

Има два варианта на прием на лечебната храна:

Вариант 1:  -  30 минути преди закуска, обяд, вечеря и преди лягане по 1-2 с.л.

Вариант 2:   -  При ракови заболявания рецептата се приема на всеки 2 часа по 1-2 с.л.

             Most useful keyboard shortcuts

There are keyboard shortcuts for pretty much everything you regularly do on a computer. Here are the ones we've found most useful in our day-to-day lives.

There are times when it's just easier to tap a few keys on a keyboard rather than fiddling about with a mouse. We use keyboard shortcuts every day to save time and bother — here some of our most-used shortcuts.

Close window/tab

Windows: Ctrl+W
Mac: ⌘Cmd+W

This shortcut closes your currently open window, not the entire program. This means that if you have various word processing documents open, it will only close the current one. Within a browser, it will close the current tab.

Reopen closed tab

Windows: Ctrl+⇧Shift+T
Mac: ⌘Cmd+⇧Shift+T

Ever slip and close a tab that you needed open? Most browsers now have a feature where you can find your most recently closed tab and reopen it, but this shortcut will do it for you. If you've closed more than one, continue tapping the T key to open them in the reverse order in which you closed them.

Cycle through browser tabs

Windows: Ctrl+PageUp/PageDown
Mac: ⌘Cmd+PageUp/PageDown

You can use the Tab key instead of PageUp and PageDown for this one, but the latter two keys let you cycle in both directions. PageUp will take you to the tabs on the left, PageDown to the tabs on the right.

Minimise/maximise window

Windows: Alt+Space+N (minimise)/Alt+Space+X (maximise)
Mac: ⌘Cmd+M/⌘Cmd+L

There are a few shortcuts for minimising and maximising your windows. This is just the most basic: minimising and maximising the current window.

Minimise/maximise all

Windows: ⊞Win+M
Mac: ⌘Cmd+Alt+M

Want to go to a clean desktop? This one puts all your programs neatly away in your taskbar. To undo in Windows, just add the Shift key (⊞Win+Shift+M).

Cycle through all open applications

Windows: ⊞Win+Tab
Mac: ⌘Cmd+Tab

Holding the Windows or Command key and tapping the Tab key lets you cycle through all of your open programs.

New

Windows: Ctrl+N
Mac: ⌘Cmd+N

This one is context sensitive depending on what you're doing. If you are using a browser, it will open a new window. If you are using editing software, such as word processing or Photoshop, it will create a new document. If you are in your file explorer, it will create a new folder.

Rename file

Windows: F2
Mac: Enter

Tap the appropriate key for your OS when the file you want to rename is highlighted.

Find

Windows: Ctrl+F
Mac: ⌘Cmd+E

Using the web, a reader or a word processing program, this helps you find a word. In file explorer, it helps you find programs. Type the term in the box that opens and hit the Enter key. Hit Enter again to cycle through all instances of that word.

Find and replace

Windows: Ctrl+H
Mac: ⌘Cmd+F

This opens the dialog box to perform a "Find and replace" operation in an open document.

Go to beginning or end

Windows: Home/End
Mac: ⌘Cmd+←/→

This is particularly useful on the web: it takes you to the top or bottom of the open page. In word processing, it will take you to the beginning or end of the current line. Adding Ctrl in Windows will take you to the start or end of a document; using a Mac, just switch out the left and right arrows for up and down.

Move one word backward/forward

Windows: Ctrl+←/→
Mac: Alt+B/F

Like it says on the tin, this shortcut moves your cursor one word to the left or right. If you hold down the Shift key while doing this in Windows, you can also highlight the word you've jumped.

Go to next text entry field

Windows: Tab
Mac: Tab

It seems like everyone should know this one, but we can never tell. When filling out web forms or dialog boxes, Tab saves you clicking on the next entry field.

Go to address bar

Windows: Alt+D
Mac: ⌘Cmd+L

This moves your cursor to your browser's address bar and highlights the text, so all you need to do is start typing your search term or URL.

Rotate screen orientation

Windows: Ctrl+Alt+any arrow key

If you do this to your co-workers while they're away from their desks, your IT team will love you forever.

Do you have a favourite keyboard shortcut that you don't see listed here? Share it in the comments below.

THANKS AUSTRALIA!

THANKS AUSTRALIA!  ~ THIS IS AWESOME Written by an Australian Dentist    To Kill an American  You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.   So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is . So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!!)   'An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish , Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.  An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans. An American is Christian , or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in   Afghanistan . The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.  An American is also free to believe in no religion.. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.  An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.   The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness. An American is generous.. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.  When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!  As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan ... The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America    Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11 , 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.  So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo , and Stalin , and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world.. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself . Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.  Please keep this going! Pass this around the World . Then pass it around again.  It says it all, for all of us.  Please do not just delete. Pass it on first.  Thanks!