BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT . . .

                BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

 These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old,

Hateful little bastard.

Bites!

FREE PUPPIES

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

 And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER.

Complete set of  Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century 

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Children Are Quick 

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 

TEACHER: No, that's wrong 

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 

(I Love this child) 

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 

DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 

TEACHER: What are you talking about? 

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 

WINNIE: Me! 

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' 

MILLIE: I is.. 

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. 

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... 

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. 

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. 

Did you copy his? 

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. 

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 

HAROLD: A teacher 

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH 

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off